Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize