I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
