I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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