Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
