i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
