Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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