i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
