You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
