nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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