Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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