you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize