Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
