oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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