Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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