She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
