Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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