I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
