This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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