Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
