woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize