Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
