A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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