Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
