Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The air was thick with penises
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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