I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
