She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
