Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
