awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
