apparently the secret to your success is patron
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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