I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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