there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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