Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
