Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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