Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
