Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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