Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize