So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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