Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
