I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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