You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
