i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
