she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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