Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
