i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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