Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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