allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
