I just threw up on my dentist
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
