how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
