Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg I joined a choir last night...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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