If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
