Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
