So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
