I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
