i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
