...so i touched it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
