Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
