Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
