I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
