just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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