Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize