I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
