hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
