We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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