So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
