You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
