I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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