Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
