ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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