There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
