Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
