What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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