finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
