I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
