I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
