I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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