D3 body, D1 cock
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
