Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
