He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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