yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
