and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
