Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize