Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
