why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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