I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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