covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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