i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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