No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
