i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
