First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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