I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
