Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
