we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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