I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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