worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
3pm strippers are depressing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
