I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
