its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
