I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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