Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You made out with two different species that night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize